Life in a bucket

There are many reasons humans create personal bucket lists; perhaps they want to achieve a sense of accomplishment or inspire others or motivate themselves. While we can feel trapped in the rat race of existence, we should remember to live well, laugh often and love much. Part of living well includes having fun and obtaining our objectives. Personally, I want to reminisce at the end of my life and say as the Apostle Paul did, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

So with an eye toward having fun, here is my never-finished bucket list. Items marked with an asterisk are some of the objectives I will prioritize in the next year.

1. Go curling: While sliding 40-pound rocks across ice may appear difficult and lackluster, I would love to try my hand at this challenging Olympic sport.
2. Attend a Washington Capitals playoff game: While I have seen my favorite hockey team play live a dozen times, I want to experience the intensity of playoff hockey.
3. * Watch my Buccaneers play in Tampa: Football, Florida sun and the pirate ship seem like an equation for fun.
4. Attend a hockey game in Canada: North of the border, they take hockey way too seriously.
5. Attend an English Premier League game: Preferably on a rainy day in London, engulfed amidst passionate fans who sing the entire game.
6. Visit Washington State: Many friends have told me how beautiful the Great Northwest is, but I want to see it for myself.
7. * Obtain a master’s degree: A stepping stone toward a fulfilling career in helping others.
8. Obtain my licensure as a professional counselor: Another important step.
9. Marry an amazing, self-aware woman: This bucket list isn’t in order of importance; if it were, spending time with the love of my life would be at the top.
10. Make love with my wife in the rain: You don’t need details, lol.
11. Present a seminar on better romantic relationships: I would like to use the skills and knowledge I acquire to help others have better marriages.
12. Attend a workshop by psychologist David Schnarch: I want to absorb lessons from this clinical psychologist, who is a genius regarding differentiation and intimacy in relationships.
13. Throw a snowball in Alaska: Something about being near the top of the world and in solitude inspires me.
14. Visit a casino: I have no plans on gambling away more than a few dollars, but I would love to people-watch in this addictive atmosphere.
15. Throw one helluva bachelor’s party for my best friend Nick someday: Not sure when this celebration will take place – but it will be one damn awesome time!
16. Make baklava: Can’t go wrong with this exquisite Turkish pastry.
17. Watch a Grand Slam tennis match live: They hit the ball so hard.
18. * Weigh 200 pounds: Feel better, look better, live better.
19. Drink tea in Scotland: I would love to experience the culture by sipping on brew in a picturesque roadside café.
20. Watch an international rugby game: Americans love football; other nations crave soccer. And for some countries, rugby is their lifeblood.
21. * Go 21 days without complaining: Part of my desire to be positive constantly and negate the negative side of life.
22. * Bicycle 100 miles in one day: Hitting the century mark would be impressive for me.
23. Ride roller coasters at Cedar Point in Ohio: Dubbed the "Roller Coaster Capital of the World," this amusement park boasts 17 roller coasters!
24. Attend a live taping of Jeopardy: I’ll take "Alex Trebeck is the Coolest Host" for $800, please.
25. Shake Irvin Yalom’s hand: After reading several books by this expert on group psychotherapy, I highly respect this psychology patriarch based at Stanford University.
26. Star in a music video: Nothing that would appear on MTV – instead, a fun video with friends that features lip-synching.
27. Take a martial arts class: Learning how to defend one’s self is important and empowering.
28. * Preach a sermon: God Almighty, speak through me.
29. Take a cooking class: Making food is fun; learning to make new food is even better.
30. Perform a stand-up comedy gig: To quote Robin Williams, "We’re not laughing at you; we’re laughing near you."
31. Coach my child’s sports team: I would teach that winning is better than losing, but doing your best and having fun is better than winning.
32. Eat Indian food in India: Mmm … make my eyes water!

Desert some desserts

"I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert." — Comedian Jason Love

I agree. But I have realized that I am a dessert snob. I shun mediocre desserts – foamy ice cream, generic cookies and sawdust-like cake. In a futile effort to have my cake and eat it too, I save my calories for exquisite desserts that deliver a melt-in-your-mouth, save-the-world bliss. From my dad’s chocolate chip cookies to expensive European pastries, I have enjoyed much dessert in my life, and amidst my glorious gluttony, I have developed a philosophy on all things sweet.

Pie: Without a doubt, pie is the platinum standard for dessert. To quote the New York Times in 1902, "Pie is the American synonym of prosperity … No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished." From gooey cherry to hearty apple to delectable pecan, pie is the reason we eat our vegetables and maintain our strength as a nation. One of my friends threw pie in the face of tradition and eschewed the stereotypical cake at his wedding; the guests were treated like royalty and served amazing apple pie instead. Notice that pie works well during all occasions. Pie should be served at weddings and birthdays and breakfast and lunch…

Cake: I’m not sure why we celebrate birthdays with cake. The only thing worse than devouring a piece of dry cake with too-sugary frosting is listening to your friends sing Happy Birthday in an unhurried, off-key tune. My policy on cake is that 90 percent of the world’s cake should be thrown away. Only the upper echelon of cake is incredible and deserving of our taste buds.

Ice cream: I was raised on Breyers ice cream. But some other brands – including Mayfield and Blue Bell – are excellent as well. I love “manly” flavors, like butter pecan and rocky road and moose tracks. Conversely, generic flavors are a waste. I won’t eat no-name ice cream. My father jokes that one particular brand of ice cream tastes like shaving cream.

Cookies: Hit and miss. Some cookies are astounding, while others remind me of chalk. Homemade cookies are usually better than store-bought cookies. The more ingredients in the cookie (chocolate, dates, nuts), the better it is … unless you add weird stuff to your cookies, such as cranberries or butterscotch chips. That’s not a cookie – that’s a flat muffin.

Pastries: From doughnuts to danishes to mouth-watering baklava, this class of desserts deserves executive treatment.

Finally, an important addendum to my dessert philosophy is this strict guideline on all things sweet: Stop combining desserts!

I’m not talking about apple pie and vanilla ice cream, which makes a delightful coupling. But some food producers have attempted to combine two desserts into one, and the results have been catastrophic. Perhaps these products sound familiar: blueberry cream pie ice cream, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, ice cream cake, cookie cake … and other egregious amalgamations. These haphazard combinations of sugariness should be avoided.

Instead, treat yourself to some real dessert today. Regardless of your choice (may I recommend pie?), be sure your selection merits those million calories.

And enjoy every bite.