Book Recommendation: William Glasser’s "Choice Theory"
In his trademark book, psychiatrist William Glasser offers an examination of the choices we make and how our decisions affect how we feel and interact with people in our lives. Glasser’s innovative perspective reaches beyond providing therapeutic interventions to clients; his analysis of choices shows why external control psychology does not work and is the root of dissatisfying relationships.
External control psychology results in unhappiness. When one person attempts to control another person, the relationship is typically damaged by such coercion. A parent tries to control their child through discipline. A husband attempts to manage his wife by withdrawing. A wife seeks to punish her husband by refusing physical intimacy. Sadly, all of these choices harm the relationship. The two people do not become closer. Consequently, controllers usually exert more effort when they don’t get their way. When selfishness and control takes priority over the relationship, the result is misery.
Glasser offers a simple truth: The only person you can truly control is yourself. When faced with a dissatisfying situation, we have two choices to improve the circumstances: Change the situation or change the way we view the situation. Blaming, complaining and criticizing may offer temporary relief, but they are merely band-aid behaviors to avoid dealing with the actual problem.
One of the controversial positions Glasser adamantly upholds is that depression and anxiety are choices we make. In fact, Glasser uses a verb – he utilizes terms like “depressing” or “choosing to depress” – to indicate the active role a person plays in their behavior. Glasser encourages people to improve their lives by being aware of their emotions and exercising better choices. Many people choose to depress, Glasser says, because depressing is an easier and less painful choice. For example, if Billy is having a bad day, he might choose to depress. However, he could recognize that better choices exist. Billy could vigorously exercise or contact friends to spend time together. Of course, both options require energy. And the second option presents the possibility of personal rejection – perhaps his friends aren’t available or maybe they won’t meet Billy’s expectations for a satisfying time. Instead of risking rejection and pursuing the potential for fun, Billy opts to wallow in self-pity and depress.
I give more leeway to depression than Glasser does. I believe a small percentage of people have debilitating clinical depression and limited choices. But even in bleak circumstances, the situation is not hopeless. Glasser says that the label of mental illness hinders many people from improving their situation with choices. He opposes the concept that people are victims. A victim has no choices. A victim is miserable and overwhelmed by helplessness.
In his book, Glasser suggests five basic psychological needs as barometers for our behavior. These needs are survival, love, power, freedom and fun, though each individual’s quota for fulfillment varies. Relationships help meet these needs. Glasser says that people without close relationships usually feel lonely and unsatisfied. That is why prioritizing the relationship over external control is essential.
An excellent attribute of Glasser’s philosophy is that choice theory focuses on the present. Glasser doesn’t dilly-dally into the psychological mumbo-jumbo of the client’s past. He wants to bring the current behavioral issues to the surface and assist the client in making helpful choices in a short-term therapy setting. Many of our decisions are based on fear. Glasser encourages readers to examine their choices and make decisions that lead to improved relationships – and inevitably, more happiness – in their lives.
“Choice Theory” has provided insight into the power of my choices and how my decisions can influence and improve my relationships. I strongly recommend you “choose” to read this book to discover the concepts that will strengthen your relationships and guide you toward a more fulfilling life.
