Drama is part of therapy

I’m watching Season One of “In Treatment,” a drama produced by HBO about a psychotherapist and his weekly sessions with clients.
Like typical television, the show contains theatrical storylines to keep the viewer engrossed. But the angry curses, insights into infidelity and talk of erotic transference are more than just excessive grapples to snag the viewer.
This drama is part of therapy.
As a future therapist, I realize I will subscribe to multiple episodes of a client’s soap opera. I will be part of their stories – their shared narratives of pain, guilt and betrayal. Patients will reveal a fraction of their soul, granting insight into their joys and sorrows.
I wonder how counseling will affect my long-term emotional strength. As a man who can experience strong, heartfelt emotions, it’s important that I have a strong therapeutic relationship with clients but not take on their problems as my own. An accumulation of client’s emotions and predicaments can zap one’s energy.
In the HBO drama, the psychotherapist struggles with a fixation on his clients and their well-being, resulting in a deficit in his relationships with his family. Outside of sessions, he patronizes his wife and speaks to her with contempt.
I don’t want to be like that therapist. I want my family, friends and future wife to come first. If I fail to maintain emotionally connected relationships with those I love, I’m useless as a counselor. What’s the point of helping clients to have better relationships if I fail to preserve them in my own life?

Do you like me ... do you know me?

Do you like me? Or do you tolerate me?

And do you even know me?

Except for a few close friends who I’m blessed to have near, I’m not sure how you view me. If I was a fly on your wall, what would I hear? Do you perceive me as arrogant, loud, naïve, self-centered or acerbic in speech? Do you recognize me as passionate, loving, intelligent, attentive or sincere?

A few weeks ago, one of my closest friends took a chance. She inquired about who I was and challenged me on what I wanted from life. At first she held back, worried she might hurt me with what I could have chosen to perceive as verbal jabs. But I asked her not to censor and so she shared.

I was able to listen and not object or be offended, due to my emotional strength and the strength of our friendship. Instead, I processed and pondered – and came away more motivated and focused on what I want from life.

I can think of people who I believe I want to be closer to. I wonder why I am not. Is it my lack of effort? Or do you perceive something in me that you don’t like? Maybe being closer to me isn’t important to you. Maybe the possibility exists that we could be closer, but we’re like two trains passing silently in the night.

I’ve been emotionally stung by several people lately – individuals who I thought I was closer to, individuals who I perceived as knowing me better than they actually do. I’m sad when I realize I’m not as close to someone as I thought. I’m disheartened when I feel like someone is uncomfortable being honest with me.

So what do you see? Are we close or miles apart? Call me emotionally masochistic, but I’d like to know. Help me see my blind spots. This isn’t carte blanche (unrestricted power) to tear me apart – but if you care about me and what I think, you won’t do that anyway.

Your perception of me might be accurate. Or you could be woefully misguided. Some of the most pleasant people I know say all sorts of magnificent things about me. Their niceties can feed my ego, but I grimace because I feel they don’t know me well, and ultimately, I appreciate the more objective stance.

This request contradicts social mores. We prefer to criticize and tear down behind each other’s back.

But I’d like to choose to get closer to you. Or farther away. And while you don’t get to choose my trajectory, you can help me make a more educated decision.